Surely we all parent with the goal of raising happy, independent children. Nobody want’s their child to be miserable, it is never a parent’s aim to teach their child to settle for their lot in life. Or is it?
My mother actually said to me this morning that she must have done something wrong when I was young because she didn’t instil a sense of satisfaction in me. This comment came about when I was telling her about our travel plans. Apparently I am unsatisfied with my life because I am striving for something else. Personally I feel happy with what I have but I want to give my own children opportunities to carve their own way in the world. I don’t want my children to ever settle for less than they deserve. While she was at it she decided to inform me that she wished she’d remained childless – yes, my own mother said this to me. It seems that she honestly believes that she failed me because I want to seek adventure and maintain my happiness.
As it happens, I don’t happen to share her opinion of her parenting. I think she did a great job at the time. She was very laid back and never pressured us into things – this is now something she views as a failure on her part. She was always there when we needed her, and she worked hard to better herself to give us a better life than she had when she was a child – she achieved it; we were always loved, clean, clothed, and well-fed. She taught me to be independent and to love others. She taught me to aim for what I wanted, not for what other people think I should have.
I think the problem with her view of me lies in the fact that I haven’t copied her style of parenting. She doesn’t agree with home education because “children need to learn at school,” she doesn’t believe in travelling with children because “life won’t be better just because you are in a caravan.” Again, I don’t agree with her mainly because I measure “better” on a different scale to her. According to my mother, my brother has a better life than me because he earns a huge amount of money (he really does), and he owns his own house in central London. I see it that I have a better life than him because I get to see my children all day (some days he doesn’t see his at all because he works such long hours), and The Man only works 31 hours a week so I get to see him lots too. We may not have much spare cash but neither are we driving ourselves into the dirt in order to earn it. My family has a happy life (most of the time!), I’m not sure my brother could say the same.
I enjoy being a parent, I find it challenging and rewarding. I love watching my children find themselves. As much as my mother wishes she’d remained childless, I am beginning to wish I’d never been that child.
Not All Sunshine And Smiles 